I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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