So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
