Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i drank out of a bidet.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
