so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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