Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
