I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
