im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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