I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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