Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
