how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
