jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
