i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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