DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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