I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
