Dude my mom stole all your condoms
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
