but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
