my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
