i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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