my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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