I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
