billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
