check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
