is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
