Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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