Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
