U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
