are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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