I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
