why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
