You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
