I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
