can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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