The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
