I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
