I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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