i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have feelings that need drinking.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
