Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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