I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I will pee on everything he values.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
