Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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