when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
