when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
