Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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