It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
