I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
