I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
