I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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