In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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