She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
