I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
