My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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