he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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